The Unbearable Pain Of Loving Someone Who Only Sees You As A Friend

Being hopelessly in love with someone who doesn’t feel the same way about you can totally suck. If that person happens to be a close friend in your squad, the pain can cut even deeper. He’s a special, significant part of your life because he’s been in your world since day one. You’ve created incredible memories together, and bonded over the most ridiculous inside jokes. You know everything about his past, because you’ve been an integral part of it.

He’s close to your family, and you’re the same way with his. You’re in love with him, while he considers you to be one of his closest girl friends… and that’s that. I’m not going to sugar coat this one bit: It’s complete and utter TORTURE, and pretty difficult to swallow. Being stuck in the friend zone can feel so, irrevocably confining that you want to chug back some wine and bawl your eyes out watching Julia Roberts pour her heart out in “My Best Friend’s Wedding.”

Roberts realises she’s in love with one of her best friends once he gets engaged… and *spoiler alert* he ends up marrying the other woman EVEN AFTER Roberts confesses her love for him. One of the most iconic scenes in the movie is when Roberts is chasing after the man of her dreams (her best friend)… but HE’S chasing after his fiance. The struggle is so damn real, and you can relate to this heart breaker of a movie to a tee. This is what the unbearable pain of being in love with someone who only sees you as “the friend,” and nothing more, feels like:

1. When you spend time with him, you’re forced to face the reality that you can’t actually have him the way you WANT to.

2. Guys can be clueless, so you don’t think he even knows you have feelings for him. But, then again, would you want him to?

3. Choosing between confessing your feelings for him, or keeping him there as a friend is one of the toughest decisions you’ll have to make.

4. You cherish your friendship with him SO much, you feel as though you’d never want to risk losing him completely if things get awkward once he knows how you feel.

5. The thought of seeing him with someone else seems so unfair and cruel…

6. … But the good friend in you wants to see him happy, even if that means seeing him with someone else who rocks his world. You’re left feeling super conflicted.

7. You’re in a depressing dating funk because you cannot stop thinking about him.


8. You believe no one else can ever compare to this dude, and no other guy will know you as well as he does.

9. You’re freaking love sick — your entire world has turned into an emotional roller-coaster and you can’t seem to cope. A good night’s sleep seems to become a thing of the past.

10. It seems YOU are always the one to reach out for plans, and he doesn’t make you a priority. 

When all is said and done, you’ll have to make your decision. Does taking that leap of faith and revealing your feelings to him trump the risk of driving him away for good?

If you truly value your friendship with him and don’t want to put the chance of losing him on the line, the best thing is to move on.

Put yourself out there, don’t dwell on him and create your own happiness in your life… because you deserve it. There’s no use in focusing on something that will never be.

Stop beating yourself up, and salvage what you DO have with him as a friend, if you think you can. Good friends are hard to come by… and hey, you don’t want to burn bridges in life.

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THE TOP RELATIONSHIP TIPS FROM A HAPPILY MARRIED COUPLE OF 72 YEARS

1. ALWAYS JUST CHOOSE LOVE.

Some days it might seem harder than others, but you have to commit to love if you want to keep your relationship together.

2. COMPLIMENT EACH OTHER.

Relationships can only work if you commit to being kind to one another. You have to build each other up, not tear each other down. Say something nice to one another every day, even if it’s just “You look beautiful/handsome.”

3. HAVE AN ACTIVE SEX LIFE.

Touch and intimacy are important in any healthy, long-term relationship. Even if you don’t have sex as often as you used to, try to make time for intimacy at least a few nights per week.

4. LIVE CLOSE TO FAMILY.

You need to have other relationships in your life besides the one with your spouse or significant other. Make sure to stay close with family and share memories and experiences with them.

5. EAT HEALTHY AND BE MINDFUL OF SUGAR CONSUMPTION.

Mr. and Mrs. Lombardi still ride around on bikes, even in their 90s. If they’ve taught us anything, it’s to commit to your health even in your younger years when you feel invincible, and stay active. They both eat home cooked meals every day and eat out sparingly.

6. SAY NO TO CHEATING.

Cheating can destroy even the best, healthiest relationships. If you’ve committed to someone, then honor that commitment, and don’t throw away gold for a cheap imitation.

7. DON’T GO TO BED ANGRY.

You have probably heard this many times before, but the Lombardi’s stand by this 100%. They say “just kiss” whenever you feel mad, and it will make everything better. Maybe it won’t always be that simple, but you can’t knock it ’til you try it, right?!

8. AN ARGUMENT DOESN’T MEAN THE RELATIONSHIP IS DOOMED.

In over seven decades of being together, the Lombardi’s have probably gotten in countless fights. They say arguments happen in any relationship, but they don’t have to tear two people apart. Everyone disagrees from time to time, but listening and respecting one another’s point of view can make the difference between a healthy argument and a harmful, unproductive one.

9. HAVE RESPECT FOR EACH OTHER.

Obviously, any relationship must have respect for it to work. Always remind your lover how much you value and appreciate them, because they sacrifice a lot to make the relationship work.

10. DON’T FORGET TO CLEAN!

Mr. and Mrs. Lombardi believe that you should keep your home clean and organized. After all, a disorderly home likely reflects a chaotic inner life as well.

11. COMMIT TO GOOD PARENTING.

If you have kids together, treat them with the same love and respect that you show each other. Provide them with a decent education, and don’t pressure them into doing any one thing in life. Let them carve their own path, but show them the light along the way.

12. MARRY GOOD GENES.

We don’t really think anything else needs to be said about this one.

13. HAVE A PARTNER THAT SHARES YOUR BELIEFS ON FAITH.

Or, at the very least, supports your beliefs and takes the time to understand them.

14. EMBRACE BOTH THE GOOD TIMES AND THE BAD.

It won’t always be smooth-sailing, but as long as you support one another no matter what, you’ll make it through okay!

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How To Be in A Relationship

I think these things are applicable to any kind of relationship.

1. Enjoying each other’s company is essential.

It’s not that we don’t like other people. We love hanging out with other people, both together and individually. But Ed and I have a really good time even if it’s just the two of us giving each other a hard time as we drive around town.

It’s not just the in-jokes and all the laughing. It’s not just that our interests often overlap. It’s that when he wants to talk about predecimalization British coins or show off the miniatures he just painted, I have reasons to care about those things just because he cares. It’s that when I am nerding out about Dr. Martens or color theory, he likes me enough to look at the 27th pair of boots I’ve pointed out and ask if they come in the right color.

2. Communication is hard but no one who says it is vital is joking.

Ed and I don’t really fight — we just have difficult conversations whenever anything comes up that needs discussing. Sometimes it is the least fun thing ever but it means nothing gets left to fester. It’s the unaddressed stuff that’ll make you the most miserable, I think, so addressing it all efficiently is relationship best practices.

There are limits, of course. We don’t have conversations about the hard stuff until we’re both fed. No reason to get divorced when eating an apple could have saved the day, right? Also, it’s important to give each other a little bit of space if something is extra hard to talk about.

I love to talk in the car as we drive around. That way we’re both there, having to be present. But also we can arrive somewhere and just be done with the talking for a little while.

3. Don’t judge your relationship against anyone else’s.

No matter what, playing keep-up with a bunch of “shoulds” just makes your life and relationship more difficult. Don’t look at the couples around you as some sort of scale for where you should be — every person is different so, of course, every relationship is different.

There are so many permutations of “successful” relationship — pick something that works for you and your partner regardless of whether or not it looks like other relationships around you.

And remember that your partner doesn’t have to be romantically involved with you. Long-term roommates benefit just as much from communicating with each other as other couples do, for example.

Tell me what you do to sustain your relationships, please.

Source : Time.com

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